The lengthy one

gosh it has been a long time between drinks around these parts hasn’t it? I hope everyone is well. This post has been such a long time coming and it’s a big one, a wordy one, a from the heart one but hopefully it goes a way towards explaining where I have been.

I have always been a particular personality type, an over achiever in some ways. Whilst nothing remarkable I have pushed and pushed and pushed myself often getting to the goal and rather than enjoying it saying ‘what’s next?’ I know I am not alone in this.

Around 8 years ago I met a man, this is not a Story of how a man has changed me, a man who was wonderful but felt very opposite to me. A hardworking man, a good man, in fact one of the finest I have ever met. He had no ambition for wealth or status, he wanted happiness, and to be comfortable, and a family. This man supported me on what has been a lengthy journey of learning myself, learning to relax and owning myself. He also became my husband.

As we realised we wanted to marry and have a family we had to make joint financial decisions and lifestyle descisions and together we made a commitment to never being luxury folk and being sensible with extra money that should come our way but also always prioritising family and happiness over extra wealth.

Since having a child this has never been more true. From taking all the time both milly and I needed for her breastfeeding (1 year thanks) before returning to any kind of work, to handing in my notice and free falling into no job for the first time in my life when it became apparent I was completely undervalued as a mother he has been there. I have learned to have more faith in life and placing more value on myself and my family is ok.

So what transpired is another job fell in my lap. An 8 week part time contract, this was extended to 5 months and it may lead to a permanent position next year. I am delighted, turns out I really was worth more. This has been a steep learning curve as I have given it my all but not everything, because again family has come first, I have also really managed stress and anxiety about work which is a whole new thing for me and I like it. Gradually I am learning to say no, I have the experience and I know I am right, or yes I made a mistake let me fix it but not worrying myself sick about it. Valuing myself seems to have rubbed off and they value me also- who would have thunk it!

I have also been juggling some problems with an investment. I always felt nervous of letting this go, like I was sabotaging the future, but honestly at times things are more trouble than they are worth. My time is worth more, my family deserves more and I am now selling. Previously I would have felt like a failure for not coping. It’s not, I realise, that I am not coping more I have evaluated and decided for me it’s not worth it at this point.

I always felt nervous of making a proper commitment to Australia, I felt like I would break my mums heart, that I would disappoint everyone. This possible new job and the confidence I have gained in being myself has allowed me to own it and say ‘I want to only work part time and be home for my girls’ Australia allows this. And just like that for the first time ever it is home and I am ready to move all my treasured items from the UK to here and into my home. I should also note I have received nothing but love and support in this descision since I told my family which shows just how blooming strong my mum is to let me fly as I need to.

Which leads me to another part of where have I been. We bought a sensible house, a fibro on a bigger block in the best area we could afford. Whilst we loved the house it was a do upper and bought based largely on good financial reasoning. After years of doing reno ourselves and slowly adding value it’s doing ok. We have done the research and are currently having it changed to a 3 bed. We started trying to do this as we had always done…. Ourselves. Between my husband working away 2 out of 3 weeks, me working 2 days plus a week and us Using no childcare except for when I work and he is away it was too hard. I felt so guilty but we released some money from the house and are getting the work done. Whilst I still co ordinate all the tradies and work it’s being done on our time frames and with less stress. Our time is just worth more right now and due to past hard work we have that option.

This blog is a hobby, it always has been, and I have not made time for it lately. Partly because I have been busy. Mainly because I have made a commitment that family comes first, time with family comes first and if other things are stressful I commit to letting them go. In becoming a mother I gave really cemented this and I own it. So I’m sure I will be dropping back InTo chat about life, nail polish, diet and goals but I will do it when I am ready because right now my priority is to not overcommit.

This, I feel, has gone a massive way to me loving motherhood. I am still practising all the time to not get anxious, or stressed as much and to simplify. With only 15 weeks (max) until I am ten proud mother of two girls under two any stress and life management is key.

How has life been for you? How has being a mother Changed you? Or how do you think it will?