What am I?

I keep writing these posts which have absolutely no photo and often no real purpose except to empty my brain!

This week I have been In sleep school, more about this at another date, and one of the things which it really addressed was my thoughts about me. I had meetings with councillors and social workers as part of this week. Prior to this week I would have said I was fine with life. The thing is I am not quite fine. For many years I was a geologist, then I was pregnant, then I was on maternity leave with a small child who needed me 24/7. This week I have realised she doesn’t need me to this extent. She is ready for time away and she needs this to build her bonds with other people.

For me this is daunting, not because of missing her, but because I am currently nothing. I still know as much as a geologist who is employed but I am not one. I am also not pregnant, nor do I have a baby who needs me 24/7. I am in limbo and I find this hard! On one hand I really want to try my new business idea, on the other I am not ready to give up my career. Right now, though, there is literally no work for geologists.

I know I am more fortunate than most because I can have longer with my girl. Even though she doesn’t need me we enjoy these days. I am also lucky because my husband supports me in making options for myself. There is no real conclusion to this post except to say I need some extra purpose. I love being a mum but I am uneasy with being only a mum, once those intensive first months have passed. I wouldn’t want to work full time but once or twice a week it would be lovely.

when did you feel ready to work? Do you need to work for your sense of self?

Thoughts of late #3

I really enjoy these mish mash posts about thinks I like/ am thinking

1. The wheels are in motion for finding work/returning to work. Whilst there is no rush the idea of working again and also wearing nice clothes is so exciting!

2. I gave up sugar…. This was my first week and honestly it was easier than I thought. Using the mentoring scheme I have found it fairly easy. I didn’t stick to the food plan but used a lot of recipes. I had a couple of slips, which is to be expected, but these were in the form of a diet coke or meal out rather than sugar. So far I note that I don’t crave sugar, food or anything as much as I used to. Smaller portions satisfy me and I feel less hungry between meals. Also after a nap I used to be almost blind I was so dizzy until I had sugar…. No more! I am doing another 5 weeks and next week my goal is to get it 100% after the 5 weeks I will assess how I feel about sugar and what I want in my regular diary.

3. Millys toys have been having a picnic while she sleeps! My mum gave me this idea and if you set up an enticing scene, a few times a week, you get your coffee I peace whilst they play and destroy it!

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4. We have been so outdoors it has been fab…. Water park, beach, walks, river, garden. I am loving summer!

5. Jessica has written a fab post about decreasing food bills. Ideas I am taking include bulk buying cleaning produce and toiletries (including nappies etc for us), meal planning but with space for shopping local and frequently for meat and veg etc! Also a monthly store cupboard item delivery!! I am starting this month by recording what we actually use and eat!

6. Operation Kayla I have been doing the pre workouts ( to get ready for the 12 week challenge after having a baby) and am loving this. It fits my life so well!

7. I think I am finally getting towards the end of this round of life admin… Granted it’s a big few things left, sorting life insurance with new job roles etc, remortgaging flat, getting work done on flat, sorting job….. Buuuut I feel like we are getting there.

8. Milly is getting more independent and loving time with other family members. What’s a girl to do -NEW HAIR

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The first pic was post salon, second was post nap on second day. I love it and the beauty is it airdries with some product so I don’t even have to style it!

8. Loving reading blogs and watching youtube channels- note to self must comment more!

9. This week I have been putting myself out there, taking time to think and be creative and working on stuff…. I think it’s good for the soul.

10. After feeling quite run down spa tone sachets seem to be really helping… Anyone else have these?

11. Frozen lemon wedges in the freezer- used to pep up water instead of ice cubes

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12. quinoa and sweet potato fritters in mah belly

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13. I caved and signed back to beauty boxes. After using all the testers on my trip to the uk I caved!

14. I am still panning up to 7 items now just waiting for enough for the next post!

what are your thoughts lately?

Thoughts of lately no. 2

You all seemed to really love the thoughts of lately post I wrote last time so here goes again…..

1. I am trying so hard not to freak out about how open my future is. I am talking, talking talking about it to rationalise it all and being really open. Which leads me to…..

2. I am being BRAVE, or at least brave for me, I am throwing myself out there. Email contacts who may like my cv for if there is work In my Industry and meeting new people to get my name out there in tough times.

3. I also attending the Pure Glow Cleanse beach workout on Saturday. I got a ticket via Instagram and went along SOLO? Can we just say I never go to anything voluntary solo. In actual fact I am so glad I did as I met some fabulous people and tasted some delicious juice. I had been waiting for Milly to wean so I could do one of their cleanses but I now think I may just buy a six pack to give me extra nutrition once I have finished my no sugar detox (picture below)

4. I have started my no sugar detox with Laura from Happy Sugar Habits so far so good. The first day I was really busy which probably helped but I had…..

Avo and eggs on toast

Coffee no stevia ( not as bad as I thought!)

Falafel and humous

Coleslaw, home baked ham and bread

Coffee no stevia and handful of (wait for it…. ) activated almonds – note for anyone not living in Australia this will not be hilarious, for anyone in Australia – Surprisingly delicious!

And dinner was barley salad with falafel and humous.

My snack was natural yogurt with cinnamon and a sprinkle of desiccated coconut.

All in all I had lots of energy, zero cravings and it was quite delicious!

5. Did you know up to 50% of fruit and veg grown can end up in landfill because it is deemed too ugly for supermarkets? I didn’t and am feeling quite outraged and am hopefully meeting some people with ideas about this!

6. Ever heard of The Relauncher? I met this lady at the Saturday event, she didn’t know I knew who she was as that was a step too far out my comfort zone, but it looks like she has some fab networking and small business workshop events coming up in Perth and I am pledging to go!

7. I have been so busy. Between job hunting, throwing myself out there with networking, chasing up things in the uk for my flat, sorting the house, selling our stuff or giving it away/loaning it out, following up my potential business idea it is flat out.

8. I am really, really happy with my skin after reading the advice in the Sally Hughes book. If your skin bothers you GET IT NOW.

9. Benefit positint and high beam- how pretty

10. I have A new cleaner. She will come and rearrange your Tupperware cupboard whilst licking it all clean. She only charges cuddles, sloppy kisses and watermelon…

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11. Have you heard of hunter-rose my friend has started a sleepware business. No sets are over $50, they are flattering and wear well. Go forth and feel cheeky in bed!

12. evaglo candles are delicious. They smell amazing and as they melt the soy can be used as oil for a massage.

13. After years if keeping this secret my bro and friend Jenn know about this wee blog, hiya folks!

14. A final note, so we dont end on number 13. Milly finally crawls forward. This makes life far less frustrating as she reaches her toys instead of getting further away!

what are your thoughts of late?

Millys christening

This blog is such a miss match of items. Some beauty, some health, a lot of goal setting, dumping of my thoughts and then some recording of lovely events. In the future I would like to do a photography course and include more images from days out or perhaps a highlights of the week type post which I can look back on and remember all the great things we have done.

Our rule has always been that with one half of the family ( the Australian branch) sharing our day to day life we try to have the celebrations in the other hemisphere. So we trotted back to the UK and christened the bubba!

If you read about my wedding you would know that I truly struggle with large events but I really did want a chance for the extended family to meet Milly and to just celebrate her and the joy she brings. I also really did want her to be blessed. Luckily the local church had such a gorgeous and relaxed vicar that we had a quick 30-40 minute ceremony followed by a high tea at my parents house. I really wanted the christening to have a girly, vintage but relaxed feel so that it didn’t get confused with Christmas ( as it was on the 20th December). I think we achieved that. It was a lovely day and here are a few snaps.

In case you are wondering what I wore… and I know you must be! I got an amazing jumpsuit from seed heritage which was plain black jersey and I wore it with a zara floral jacket and some studded black high heeled pumps. I really loved this outfit and can see the jumpsuit being worn so very much in the future!

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4th march

Well we are at 31 weeks or 31 and a half if you go by my dating scan! Looking bumpy now

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It scares me a little how big I am. Although I stopped weighing myself a few weeks ago and make a real effort to only eat when hungry I want to clean up the diet and exercise plan. Daily exercise now it is cooling down even if just a short waddle is back on the agenda. The last few weeks with my hips and the heat this had slipped.

I am also craving health foods and taking this opportunity to launch myself into whole foods with a vengeance. In a few weeks I will no longer be pregnant I will be chubby with a new baby and I know this will personally potentially be hard for me. Whilst I am so looking forward to doing weight watchers again and getting my fitness back until I am on the road with it ( usually after at least 6 weeks) I know there is the potential to feel down on myself. Naturally I don’t want this and one thing I do know is it’s rarely about the size I am and more about how healthy and positive I am being which affects my feelings. I also know this free ride with fodmaps and lactose will end so maybe a gentle cull starting now, rather than band aid approach will work well. Nothing extreme just good wholesome food!

I am back to feeling excited by life and what it may offer me. Possible work opportunities, possible other life’s to choose and I remain strong in looking forward to enjoying my maternity leave.

Only 3 more weeks of work after this one…. Eeep!

Ps swollen fingers and feet are no laughing matter I can’t wear my wedding rings!

Pps she is not here yet and kept me up for four hours last night with her kicking and antics!

Life lately another catch up

 

Well hello,


I have downloaded a new app in the attempt to make my blogging experience better from my ipad. I am still really torn against getting a new laptop and better camera or whether to stick with what I already have. I am reluctant to have technology coming out of my ears when I already have an iPhone camera, point and shoot camera and ipad.


Anyway enough banging on about that, lets have a round up of things I have enjoyed lately. I have spent a lot of time outdoors as I am training for a 100km hike for oxfam in October. Along the way there have been a few nice views.






These are some photos which were taken up in the Perth hills when I did a big hike on Friday.
Yesterday we used a voucher we had got for Christmas for a horse riding experience along the Moore River. This was such a great way to spend a day. It was a 90 minute trail ride along the river and was absolutely perfect for beginners. We went with 13http://1300trailrides.com.au/00 trail riders  and they were great. I was so frightened at first and by the end was really loving it. I had a lovely horse called Gus and definitely want to go again.
Please excuse my fat roll, I swear it only happened when I was horse riding as I couldn’t take my hands off to adjust.
I also did a massive walk around the river and whilst going round who did we see? The dolphins are back. I took a film of them about 2m from me playing but I don’t know how to upload it. This week has been full of socialising, and lots of less than perfect food but this has been balanced by all of the exercise.
Today I am blogging with 

Coffees in bed, I will then clean the house, blog some more ( I have been purchasing- oops) and also baking up a storm. In other news I am desperate for the great gatsby! Still torn about the laptop and loving life.
How has your weekend been?Is this new blog tool working?


Life lately

Life lately has flown by and here is a bit of a round up of my thoughts.

* Work has been manic. As in, really manic and I have ended up overloaded. This week I suffered an anxiety attack and very little sleep. I decided that it wasn’t worth it. I pride myself on working hard but not so much that my health will suffer. I spoke to my boss, he was great, and things are better. Moral of the story don`t struggle on.. speak out.
* I have brilliant friends who have arranged a hens party for me. I need to buy some cowboy boots.
* I am back on weight watchers. I have realised over the last few months my problem is often not eating enough which leads to me eating loads some days. I don’t think my problems with food are at all emotional. They are physiological so I just need to understand them and fix them. I am on my way. I have dropped 1kg and am pretty much back to where I was a 20kg loss last year. So really I have successfully maintained for 5 months.56
* I am loving exercise. I am thinking of doing the half marathon later this year and I have signed up for a 100km charity walk so am training for this also. I enjoy having exercise goals non weightloss related.
* Bikram is excellent. Although I am not doing it this week I am planning to do it often in the future. Especially whilst it is cold.
* Lacteeze still makes my world so much easier. Any lactose intolerants get in on it!
* I am still eating a few FOODMAPS. It is hard to avoid them when stressed. I am convinced they add to my anxiety. This week complete avoidance is my main goal.
* My MAC makeup workshop went amazingly. I bought everything. I mean everything. Wedding makeup sorted.
* I have been clearing out… more stuff landing on ebay soon.
* I am a little sad at the prospect of moving out of this little house.
* I am looking forward to the chance to save and get ahead.
* I am loving life, going out a bit, looking forwards to holidays and work.
* Despite all this loving life what I really want is to have a baby! The realisation hit me so much this week. It has been creeping up on me for a while. Now my body clock is screaming in my ear and all other things, whilst making me happy, don’t make me as happy as the thought of a bubba would. It is not the right time yet but I hope it will be soon.
* In 5 weeks I get married and have a big Holliday.

Life is pretty good. How are you travelling???

Life lately and a few thoughts

A lot of my posts lately have been scheduled ones. This is because I blog on my break and then work whilst I am away. Life lately has been a bit strange really. To be honest ever since the new year I have been a bit up and down and as I have mentioned on here I attribute this to 3 things.

First up, FODMAPS. There is no two ways about this they affect my well being. They affect my physical well being, with stomach aches, but there is so much evidence they affect my mental wellbeing also. I am worth more than this therefore I need to remove them once and for all.

Exercise also affects my physical and mental health and I have become one of those people who enjoys it and needs it. DAILY. I have some little goals now. The perth half marathon in August, a 100km charity walk in October and an entry to the London Marathon Ballot.

Diet. Oh my I slipped. Off the back of the slip I have a few things to say. Since January I have not been religious with counting points. I have attempted other more extreme diets. I have failed and sadly it has affected my well being, feelings about myself and exercise. Recently I fell into the starting tomorrow everyday thing. That has only been lately and I have the rest of the time indulged more and listened to myself. I have basically maintained with a 1.5 kg gain from the last few weeks. This attitude has also affected my tiredness and too be honest I hate it. I am now back to weighing weekly and weight watchers online. $50 per month is a small price to pay to get to my goal.

One of my main slip ups is just my lack of care for food. It is just not priority for me so I don’t eat then get starving and need to eat the nearest thing. This is part of the reason I put on weight and no longer acceptable to me. On the upsideI no longer binge, I am pretty regular with exercise despite what I said above and I am also mostly good at low FODMAPs. I also seem to be pretty ok with maintaining. So for all these reasons I am happy about how I spent the last few months.

I have learned how I like to eat and to be honest just need to tweak it up and count points again. I have done it before and I can easily do this again. I like weight watchers because I can eat healthy, low FODMAP, enough to fuel me and it works. It also doesn’t mean life has to go on hold and this is important as I have a lot of life coming up.

I am almost delighted with these break throughs and feel like although I have a weight goal, the very centre of my healthy range, it is no longer just about my physical body. I am addicted to how good a healthy lifestyle makes you feel and because of that I can no longer living life at any less.

How is your relationship with food? Have you ever had a moment like this?

Life’s little sparkly memories

One of the things I used to love doing the most, as a little girl, was going through other people’s jewellery boxes. Yes I loved looking at the pretty things but more than that I loved the stories associated with them. I think jewellery is a lovely way to mark a special occasion and to keep memories. I love antique jewellery for just that reason, all the memories which they hold. This post is not meant to be a show off post, I know I am lucky, I am just writing down the stories associated with my collection to share with you. If you would like to do a post like this I would really love to read them.

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Necklaces. The first one, which I really don’t think is a diamond, was a gift for me by one of my grandmas just a few years before she passed away. I was given another item chosen for me by the aunties after she died but I love this as it was from her.

The next ‘calm’ necklace is from Diana porter in Bristol, my home town. This was a gift from my mumma before I moved to Australia. The calm was chosen because I am a stressy bessy and to this day I will actively choose this necklace if I know life is a bit tough and it makes me feel much better. The sparkly apple is a necklace which I bought myself at age 16 on holiday from kingsand in Devon. I ummmmed and haaa’d about if I could afford it but 14 years on I still love it and it was a sound investment. The Mickey Mouse was a gift from my step dad after a business trip to the Middle East when I was around 12-14. I loved it then and still wear it now, Disney jewellery is making a come back …right?.. The final necklace is one of my absolute faves bought for me by my housemate around 6 years ago for Christmas. One night we were lounging around when the Argos catalogue was delivered, looking through I saw this and fell in love. I forgot about it she did not and got it for me for Christmas. It has a little button and says cute as a button on it. I love it so much.

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More gifts ones. The rose quartz bracelet was made for me as a gift by a dear friends mother a few years ago. She was doing a jewellery making course and made this for me. Such a special gift as this family really looked after me when I did my year in Adelaide at uni. I used to go for dinner once a week with them and went on their family holiday as I missed being around my family so much. The Tiffany heart was a graduation gift from my family. I love this. The silver ball is a bag charm from pilgrim. This is a new addition bought for me for my 30th by a very dear friend who remembered my long term love of pilgrim and got it for me. Finally a Christmas gift from my family a chunky bracelet with an English penny on it. I wear this heaps and it makes me feel a bit like home.

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Bangles….and bracelets. The gem ones were a Christmas gift one year that my mum picked up for me in china. I have had these close to 10 years probably and wear them all together. There used to be 3 but one broke. The square bangles have different shades of turquoise enamel and were a gift my mum picked up for me on a trip to Spain once. I love the fact they are square. The amethyst bangle contains stones from my dad which I had remade into this gorgeous bangle. The wire wrapped bangle is one my mum made for me when she went with her mum on a jewellery making course for her birthday or Christmas present. The three bangles with charms are ones I received for Christmas from my mum and the same year my brother and I bought her matching ones ( with slightly different charms). I call these our friendship bracelets! The bangle with the heart charm is a 21st gift from one of my baby brothers ( who is now nearly 20). One turquoise bracelet is from my brothers and one is from my other half.

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These two are 30th birthday gifts from my mother in law and my partners friends got together and got me the Mimco earrings… What a treat!

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My auntie’s friend made her one of these rings as a prototype for her collection. I saw it and loved it, again this would be around 10 years ago, but as there was only one thought that was it. Little did I know at Christmas this one was made for me! Spoiled!

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My most special ring. This was given to me when my other half asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. My response is how the blog got its name!

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Two heirlooms. The little ring was my great grans engagement ring. This goes down the girls in our family. So the story goes my grandma doesn’t wear it because she couldn’t make her mind up/ gave it back to my grandad once and was told she wouldn’t be wearing it. As an aside my gran and grandad were happily married for a long long time after this! The second is my heirloom from my grandma on the other side of my family. She gave it to me early, she is still alive, as she no longer had anywhere to wear it!

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The aquamarine ring is one my grandad bought my grandma when they lived in Russia. She gave it to me and I had it fixed up and resized and wear it with pride. The rest are new memories. Ten rose gold rings are these which I bought with some inheritance. My mum had got herself a rose gold bracelet to remember my grandad so is also wanted something rose gold. Not classic but I love these and wear them in various arrangements. The chunky diamond ring is, again, a remake with stones from my dad. The remake was a treat to myself when I started working in Australia and had a good job. The two necklaces were gifts from my other half as were the studs and three colour gold bracelet from Dubai. Whilst I love them all my favourite is the black diamond. It’s really imperfect and unusual and perfect for me.

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He also got me a black pearl a few years ago. I really like black versions of the classics.

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The final rings are a selection for over the years. The silver wire ring is a gift from my mum by a local Bristol designer. The enamel and diamond ring was a birthday gift from my mum and the pearly ring was a gift from her one Christmas. The blue band was from one of my brothers. It was give to me in my teenage years but I love it and wear it in place of my engagement ring at work so my finger doesn’t feel naked. The amethyst rings were also from my brothers in my teenage years.

The large turquoise was a gift from my other half during a trip to Queensland and the silver flower was from blues and roots and Byron bay one year when we went.

Wowzers what a long post, as you can see I am pretty lucky with my collection. There are some great tales there. Not all the jewellery is expensive and I would be just as devastated to loosed one piece as another.what special stories does your jewellery hold? Do a post , comment, link me!

The break up

Sorry for another deep post but I feel like this year so much has already happened and changes in my mind have happened so I wanted to chat about it.

I started 2013 pretty triumphant after a great 2012 where I had really gotten myself into shape. Come January and I was feeling pretty darn flat. I think that I felt lost without resolutions, goals and challenges. To be honest I have always been more driven by the prize than the journey and more motivated by getting to goal than enjoying myself. The start of the year I fell back into some old habits of trying ridiculous diets and failing and I have slipped with the FODMAPS a fair bit recently.

I did keep up the exercise though and I have had a pretty stressful time of it with my job. To be honest flat does not even begin to describe how I felt at the start of the year with all of this and a lot of annoying jobs to fill my time disheartened or downright depressed may be a better description.

I have also struggled with the fact that I no longer recognise my reflection, my head thinks I am a lot larger than I am.

Anyhow, back to the present. I feel like I have ridden this wave and the tide is turning. Alongside this I have had a few realisations and all of these are things I am proud of.

1. I am a trooper, in it for the long haul and even if I don`t know where things are going I have learned to accept them, remain open to opportunity and change, chip away at it, take each day as it comes and do your best each day and ride it out…. until one day you realise you are on top of things again.

2. Although I do not recognise myself still. I talk to people about this so it is more real. Each time I don’t recognise myself I make myself look in the mirror and observe it with interest.

3. I hate eating FODMAPs. I feel crappy, my tummy hurts, my digestion is shot, I am tired and to be honest I hate feeling bad about myself.

4. In stressful times I don’t need chocolate I need sleep, love, care, exercise and full blown nutritional eating behind me…. And a bi of chocolate.

5. I can quite easily maintain my current weight on a diet including daily treats.

6. I cannot maintain health on that diet.

7. Health is more important to me. I am addicted to feeling good.

8. If you feel good you look good. SIMPLES

9. When you live a healthful lifestyle your body is given a new healthful equilibrium ( represented but not only in weight and fat).

10. you cannot pick your equilibrium. Forcing your body to be too small = BAD, being too big = BAD. Eating and exercising healthily in a way your body likes =BLISS

11. You just have to get over the fact bliss may not equal miranda kerr for you.. damn you genes!

I am pretty delighted with these realisations and feel that sometimes you need to let old habits in to prove to yourself you are no longer friends. Bingeing, FODMAPs, negative feelings towards myself we had a long relationship but sadly this is no longer working for me and you are no longer welcome in my life….

its not you its me

I have changed. I can`t be arsed wasting my energy on feeling bad about myself. I am happy to eat treats as long as I really want them and they don’t hurt my tummy ( dark chocolate and sea salt hello) if you are a FODMAP filled food I am eating for any other reason I do not want to know any longer. If you are a negative thought about myself… be gone. I am not interested…. I am a young woman doing my best. I cut other`s slack and respect them for trying and now I respect myself.

I fell off the wagon so to speak.. did i? or was it part of my journey? Did I need to do this in order to get the guts to break up with the past?

This post may not mean much to you, but it is massive to me. I am hayley, I weigh 11.5 stone and I think that I look ok. I love my life, I am proud of my body and what it can do and I want to nourish my body so it can continue to help me live life to the max.

What does your body mean to you? Have yoou ever broken up with yourself?