I keep writing these posts which have absolutely no photo and often no real purpose except to empty my brain!
This week I have been In sleep school, more about this at another date, and one of the things which it really addressed was my thoughts about me. I had meetings with councillors and social workers as part of this week. Prior to this week I would have said I was fine with life. The thing is I am not quite fine. For many years I was a geologist, then I was pregnant, then I was on maternity leave with a small child who needed me 24/7. This week I have realised she doesn’t need me to this extent. She is ready for time away and she needs this to build her bonds with other people.
For me this is daunting, not because of missing her, but because I am currently nothing. I still know as much as a geologist who is employed but I am not one. I am also not pregnant, nor do I have a baby who needs me 24/7. I am in limbo and I find this hard! On one hand I really want to try my new business idea, on the other I am not ready to give up my career. Right now, though, there is literally no work for geologists.
I know I am more fortunate than most because I can have longer with my girl. Even though she doesn’t need me we enjoy these days. I am also lucky because my husband supports me in making options for myself. There is no real conclusion to this post except to say I need some extra purpose. I love being a mum but I am uneasy with being only a mum, once those intensive first months have passed. I wouldn’t want to work full time but once or twice a week it would be lovely.
when did you feel ready to work? Do you need to work for your sense of self?